Vampire Limericks and other Bloodsucking Humor
| But first, on earth as vampire sent, Thy corpse shall from its tomb be rent: Then ghastly haunt thy native place, And suck the blood of all thy race… – From The Giaour [Unquenched, unquenchable] by Lord Byron |
Vampire Limericks
By Scott Harker
Here is a collection of six original vampire limericks…
I. Not Necessarily in That Order
The subtle art of seduction Is the vampire’s means of induction, To become the undead You are taken to bed, For orgasms, death and some suction. |
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II. Tonight’s MealLook deep in my eyes and see Is eternity waiting for thee? You think I’m your lover, But soon you’ll discover, You’re just a quick snack for me. |
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III. For My Ophthalmologist
Leaving the room up ahead is Count Dracula Who resembles the actor Scott Bacula Now because of the sun, He so speedily runs, He will not register onto your macula. |
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IV. I’m Jewish
So you thought you would get my blood, With a nick of my vein it would flood Down your throat it would rush, But now what is this mush? From a Golem you only get mud! |
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V. It’s All In The Neck
We are known as the beings of the night, And no mirrors can capture our sight, Our elongated fangs, Pierce a vein, that brings, Eternal life, if the bite, is just right! |
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VI. Where Shall We Eat Tonight?Vampires feed on the multitude At the malls, shops and bars for their fortitude, The occasional blind date, Those rock concerts are great, And Blood Banks are first rate for fast food! |
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Cross Court Cartoon
Every so often, a court case will occur about a large Christian Cross being displayed on publicly-owned land. There is a request to get the cross removed because of a possible violation of the separation of church and state. Well, here is one way to make sure you always win the case for keeping the Cross up…
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OTHER LIMERICKS
I. A Dirty LimerickThere once was a laddy named Hurdy Who often fell down and got dirty, His mommy would laugh And give him a bath, I can’t help what your mind thinks is dirty! |
II. Murderverse – A Husband’s ExcuseThere once was a husband named Pullet Whose therapist told him to “Cool it!” But in domestic strife, He shot up his wife, Then told cops, “They were only love bullets!” |
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When vampires are not drinking blood, they love to slurp tea!
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Vampire Related Items For Sale
[phpbay]Vampire, 11, “1”, “art”[/phpbay] [phpbay]Vampire art, 5, “1”, “”[/phpbay]
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